As I write this I am 21 followers away from 200 on Twitter, 34 followers away from 500 on Instagram and at 51 followers on SuicideGirls. I’m pretty close to some milestones and I’m excited about it. The unfortunate truth that for my modelling career to be successful I have to play the popularity game – the larger following I have the more likely I am to be successful. Obviously it’s not quite as simple as that but popularity plays a large role in being successful in the modelling industry.
However there is another “milestone” that I woke up to discover I had “achieved” this morning. I got my first unsolicited “dick pic” from a stranger on Instagram. I blocked them and got on with my day but it’s been sitting at the back of my mind so I wanted to have a quick ramble about it.
You may be aware of the fact that most female presenting social media personalities often speak out about the inappropriate content they get sent (dick pics, weird messages, threats, etc) and if not then prepare yourself for a rude awakening. It’s all too common now for people to have to deal with being sent things that people just have no business sending. But it’s often dismissed and we’re told “just block them” or “what did you expect when you post…” which doesn’t help anyone and just blames the receiver for the sender’s lack of manners/common sense. Of course I’m not saying this only happens to female presenting folks, just going from my own circle of experience.
But the worst part of this is that I do kind of see it as a milestone.
It’s almost like I’ve unlocked an achievement, except it’s one of those awful ones that’s put in as a joke but somehow ends up becoming a big deal.
If you’ve been following my modelling from the start you will have noticed that I’m only just starting to move towards the more “sexy” kind of styles – the main reason being I wanted to make sure I started off “safe for work”. I’ve never had an issue with being more “not safe for work”, I just didn’t want to get type cast from the beginning.
After over a year and having gotten published as well as getting to the final four of the #AMOTY2018 contest I felt I had a solid enough foundation to start moving into more “nsfw” content. I had reached some milestones and was excited to get to the next ones. Part of that is why I’ve submitted a set to SuicideGirls. That would be an awesome milestone to achieve ^_^
What I’m trying to say – despite the rambling – is that I’m proud of myself for reaching the milestones I have and that some milestones really just shouldn’t exist.
“Snake Shoot” Photo by Donald Feist
What milestones have you reached that you’re proud of? Tell me in the comments!
Hey lovelies! It’s the first Monday of the month and I hope you had a great first weekend. I’ve got to admit it does feel nice to start the month on a weekend. Especially when you spend that weekend catching up with a bunch of friends you don’t get to hang out with too often haha.
Although last week was a bit of a flop for my YouTube schedule I swear this month is when I get myself sorted and don’t miss a day…hopefully xD
I’ve also finally ordered the prints that are the Kickstarter rewards, I feel a smidge guilty it’s taken me this long but I just had so much going on it never felt like I had any time to actually get it sorted. No matter though, it’s done now and they’ll be here in no time ^_^ then I just have to sign them, write thank you notes and send them out. Easy!
You might have noticed I’ve got a poll running on my Twitter, Facebook and Instagram today – asking about whether you lovelies would find a list of available sets useful? I’d appreciate if you could go and respond to one of those polls. Or even just let me know here in the comments 😀
I was thinking having a straight forward list of sets with preview pictures might help people decide if they’d like to sign up to my OnlyFans/Patreon. Although Patreon does already have some public preview photos there aren’t really any on OnlyFans (but you can find a few on my Instagram or Twitter). Either way I thought it might be a nice touch to have a simple list in one place that people can browse through before deciding to sign up.
So yeah ^_^ I hope you all have a fabulous Monday and wish me luck with actually sticking to my schedule haha
From “Be Bold, Wear Red” Photographer: @radiomoths
Staying motivated can be really tricky. Especially if things start slowing down or if things get in the way of what you want to do. I find it can be really hard to stay motivated with my modelling if my follower counts stay stagnant or if my posts don’t get a lot of attention. Plus continuously coming up with new ideas and then try to make them a reality; it can be hard to keep it up at times.
My friends and loved ones help to keep me motivated – they cheer me on and brainstorm with me whenever I need a fresh perspective. As well as my followers, they do so much to keep me motivated and it’s just little things like replying to my story or commenting on my posts – it really lifts my spirits.
I tend to find I have lots of ideas but lack the resources I need to make them a reality, which is frustrating but it means that when I get the resources I know exactly what I want to do with them. It’s still not easy. There are days where I get too frustrated and think about giving up and going back to a normal job. But I hate giving up, haha. I’m too stubborn for that.
Making lists tends to help keep me focused and means that I always have idea in the background just waiting for the right moment to spring into life ^_^
Or if I’m feeling really low I look back at the things I’ve already accomplished, that usually cheers me up and gives me the boost I need to get going again.
” Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin’-race!
Aboon them a’ ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye worthy o’ a grace
As lang’s my arm. ”
Friday 25th of January is Burns night. A Scottish holiday to celebrate the famous poet Robert Burns. Traditional methods of celebration involve the eating of Haggis…but you have to catch them first! Join me for a Haggis Hunt and celebrate an old Scottish poet whilst we’re at it.
Haggis Hunt, In the Tree – Photographer: Radiomoths
” O Thou, that in the heavens does dwell,
As it pleases best Thysel’,
Sends ane to Heaven an’ ten to Hell,
For Thy glory,
And no for onie guid or ill
They’ve done afore Thee! ”
Haggis Hunt, Store Bought is Fine – Photographer: Radiomoths
Not to worry though, if you have no luck hunting one down, store bought is fine.
I hope you all managed to beat blue Monday and have woken up feeling more positive about the rest of the week, if not stick around for some fun preview pictures at the end which are bound to put a smile on your face.
First of all though, I want to talk about body image. Specifically my own. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning to discuss the possibility of a breast reduction. Which is something I’ve kind of half considered for a while now but I still have a lot of conflicting emotions about it.
So I figured I’d share my thoughts with you ^_^
(if you’d rather skip to the pretty pictures that’s fine x)
Body Image
Being a curvy human this isn’t exactly a new topic for me. Body image and body confidence has been something I’ve struggled with and fought to push into the positive over the years. Tending to advocate the “fake it ’til you make it” mind set. Which was part of what lead me to modelling. In my journey to boost my self confidence I had began by taking as many selfies and outfit pictures as possible. Constantly trying to force my brain into seeing the positives instead of getting bogged down on the “negatives”. And it worked (for me).
My confidence grew, I started being more adventurous with my outfits, hair and makeup and eventually began to look at modelling as the next step.
Modelling, however, was an entirely different kettle of fish and it’s taken me until now (around 2 years) to really get comfortable with myself in front of the camera. Not to say that I wasn’t enjoying myself, I’ve loved every shoot (more or less) I’ve had. It just took some time for me to develop my confidence in my posing and such.
But that’s not really what I want to talk about today.
I want to talk about my boobs. I want to talk about the fact that a lot of my confidence has been built on the attention I’ve always gotten because of my breasts. From the age of 13/14 I had people* compliment me on my breasts so naturally I tended to see them as one of my best features and relied on them to feel good about myself.
(* to be clear these were people my own age)
However, as anyone with large breasts will likely have already told you, having large breasts isn’t always so great. I have near constant back and shoulder pain. Exercising feels impossible and very uncomfortable. All of my bras are a minimum of £30 and I can only get them from one specific shop. Clothes shopping in general is hellish at times, having to size up so something fits over my breasts but then hangs off the rest of me. Having to deal with the fact that I can’t wear certain fashion trends without getting told that I “can’t wear that”: boob tubes, going bra-less, glitter tits and virtually anything someone with a smaller chest gets to do in summer.
So the obvious solution is to make my breasts smaller, right?
Except that; 1. that costs a fortune if I can’t get it on the NHS, 2. the healing time after surgery would affect my ability to work (which when you’re self employed is a huge deal) and 3. so much of my self confidence comes from my breasts.
My fear is that I’ll get a breast reduction and then less people will find me attractive.
Plain and simple. Obviously I know my response should be “it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, it’ll make you happier”. But it’s hard to do that sometimes.
When so much of your confidence has been built on one aspect of yourself and then you consider changing it…it’s been difficult for me to try and deal with. For the last 10-ish years of my life the majority of the positive attention my body received was due to my breasts. I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle a negative response to having their size reduced. I’m worried it’ll cost me patrons/fans/subscribers. I’m worried it’ll mean I get less modelling work/opportunities. I’m worried the people closest to me won’t see me the same way – which is especially stupid but it’s still a worry I have.
But if I don’t get a reduction, I’ll continue living in pain and my breasts will get saggy and blah blah blah old age and gravity etc.
To give an idea of how much I feel I need to have large breasts I figured I’d give you an example of something I used to say and to an extent still think. When I was younger and we were learning about breast cancer, I said I would rather die than lose my breasts. And I meant it. Can you imagine that? Being so utterly convinced that 2 sacks of fat on your chest were worth dying for? Although that’s leading us into a slightly heavier topic that I’m not quite prepared to delve into right now.
So yeah, I’m having a little bit of a hard time getting my brain to stay logical about the whole thing. I’m hoping that after chatting with the doctor I’ll be able to look at things more clearly and then take whatever the next step is with confidence.
I know that was a bit long, haha but don’t you worry, we’re finishing on a happier note!
Birthday Pics
So if you follow me on Twitter then you’ll already know that we’re onto the final birthday photo set – it’s being released to my OnlyFans this week!
This set is called “Candles and Cake” and was shot by the ever wonderful @radiomoths aka Lee Jones. It’s a super fun photo set but it’s definitely not safe for work haha.
With colourful drips coating my body just before we blow out the candles, it’s a set you won’t want to miss ^_^
Here’s a super sneaky preview to tempt you x
Preview for “Candles and Cake” by Lee Jones aka @radiomoths
An Overview Of Blue 