So today I was going to be filming my kitten play and pokemon video for my YouTube channel. It’s a video I’ve been pretty excited to film and was all dressed up and ready to go.
But I had a few tiny interruptions as I got started filming.
Absolutely nothing major. Bouncer mucking around, my partners chiming in with comments. Totally normal and fine interruptions that I deal with all the time.
The only problem being that today it totally knocked me off-kilter. My confidence vanished, I got emotional, I had to stop filming and do housework instead to try and calm myself down and to stop me from crying.
This, in case you didn’t realise, is not normal for me.
I only cry at sad movies/books/media and very occasionally from severe emotions.
But for the last hour, I’ve been fighting off tears and trying not to ruin my mascara.
My mental health over the last few weeks has been an absolute roller coaster and last week I got switched to a new medication (fluoxetine 20 mg – if you’re curious) and it’s hit me really heard. I’ve been having intermittent headaches, struggling to focus and having bouts of nausea. Not in the least bit of fun. And now, I’m getting emotional over nothing and almost breaking down into tears.
It’s not a pleasant sensation and it’s difficult for me to focus on the things I need or want to do – like filming my kitten play and pokemon video.
So yeah, I’m finding things a tiny bit difficult at the moment and I hope that everyone can bear with me.
I also know that there are so many people that are struggling for so many reasons right now and my heart goes out to them. It seems to just be a really difficult time at the moment.
Look out for each other and remember to be patient with everyone that you interact with – you have no idea what’s going on in their private life and no right to know either.
I will get this video filmed, I’m just not sure if it will be today. So I’m posting this blog, mostly for myself and to let myself be open and honest about how I’m feeling in a way that let’s other people interact if they want to.
Yelling into the void was always something I found useful, so this is sort of an extension of that.
I hope everyone is holding up as best they can and that you’re excited for when I do post this video. Until then;
Stay safe & be happy x