Saying Goodbye To 2020

Hello all!

Here we are, at the end of another year but oh my goodness what a year it’s been!

Living through the COVID19 Pandemic is bound to end up being something that gets taught in schools at some point or another and it’s been so bizarre to be trying to lead a semi normal life whilst there’s this “thing” just hovering over the planet and forcing us all to change how we do everything.

I know I’ve had to make a lot of changes this year.

The most obvious change being that I’ve had to stop doing photo shoots for basically the entire year. Which considering I’m a model and make money off of my images…that was a difficult transition.

My wedding has had to be postponed indefinitely.

We couldn’t have proper celebrations for Halloween, my fiancé’s birthday, or Christmas. The kink events I was going to be hosting this year all had to be cancelled. My trip to London to get my training to become a tester for THT got cancelled. There’s so much that had to be cancelled or put on hold and of course I understand why but it does still make me sad.

This year has been weird and I’m not sure that next year will be much different but at least I feel more prepared and will feel comfortable (mostly) sticking to online socialising.

Fingers crossed I will be able to go back to having proper photo shoots again soon though. Selfies are fine but they definitely are not the best.

But enough about the less than amazing side of things. Let’s look at the positives!

Some of My Favourite Things of 2020

I started working for Umbrella Lane:

I love my job with Umbrella Lane – I really feel like I get to contribute and that I’m an important member of the team. My work mates are wonderful. There’s always something to be done and it’s a very passionate topic for me so it’s far too easy to stay focussed and really put my all into everything we’re doing.


Although I’ve had to change how I keep in touch with people and severely limit my physical contact with others, this year has been really good for me to be able to work on boundaries, figuring out what I want from relationships and who I want to be in a relationship with.

Whether it’s friendships, romantic relationships or sexual relationships. It’s been so interesting to have time apart forced on me to give me perspective. To see who I end up missing and who I want to reach out to. Plus seeing who reaches out to me.

Being poly, bisexual and an extrovert should give you a clear enough idea that I like being with people. I like having connections with people and building relationships. But sometimes I let myself get burnt out trying to sustain relationships that I don’t even want anymore and I think this time “on my own” has really helped to highlight that (that and my wonderful therapist).

It’s also really made me appreciate the relationships I do have.

I have a wonderful fiancé that supports me to do whatever I want to do and always has my back or a cup of tea when I’m stressing out. I have a lovely boyfriend who keeps me smiling and reminds me that I don’t have to take care of everyone else. I’ve got the most adorable fuck buddy/boyfriend/insert label here??? that’s just so soft and sweet and helpful. I’ve got brilliant friends that will check in on me and make sure I’m doing ok when they know I’ve got a lot on my plate.

I feel so fortunate to have so many positive and wonderful people in my life.

Finally Getting Therapy:

Thanks to the wonderful people at WellbeingScotland I finally have gotten some talk therapy/counselling and I’m over the moon about it.

It’s really helped me to start addressing things that I had kept putting off and tried to convince myself that they weren’t really issues. I feel like I have so much to work through but that I’ve got the space to do it now. It’s really nice and reassuring.

I’m sure I’m forgetting things, this year hasn’t been the easiest to keep track of. It’s felt like the longest March in existence haha.

But I’m hopeful that 2021 will be better. It might not be amazing and we might not quite get back to “normal” but I’m ok with that.

My Hopes For 2021

I hope that I’ll be able to have my wedding in 2021.

I hope that I’ll have my job with Umbrella Lane confirmed/secured for another year in 2021.

I hope that my income will stabilise and I’ll be able to start getting out of debt in 2021.

I hope that I’ll be able to pull together some amazing photo shoots in 2021.

I hope that I continue to grow as a person in 2021.

I hope that my friends and loved ones will be safe and happy in 2021.

I hope the world will become a kinder place in 2021.

What are your hopes for the new year? How has this year been for you?

Be sure to follow me here/on social media to stay up to date with everything I’m getting up to in the new year!

Until then, stay safe & be happy x

Published by bluemerkitten

Aspiring alternative model and typical blue haired mermaid/kitten (merkitten).

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